Love Grows Best in Little Rooms
by Hamiltrash55
Summary: Basically just another modern college Lams story no one asked for. Fluff, angst, and more fluff. TW: Cursing homophobic slurs, abuse mental/physical, self hate/harm
1. Intro

This is my first story I don't think it's good but my friend said to post it so here I am. I'll try to continue it but with school it'll be a little hard so no set schedule. Please if there are things I could do differently please tell me.


	2. Chapter 1 (09-18 20:06:46)

Alex had gotten to his dorm before his roommate and had already unpacked. He decided he'd go to the coffee shop he had seen across campus earlier that morning.

When he opened the door a little brass bell rung.

"Hello sir what can I get for you today." Came a voice from the counter.

"A large black coffee is fine." Alex said as he walked over and when he did he saw who the voice was. The voice came from a beautiful boy with a face full of freckles and curly hair pulled back into a bun and beautiful green eyes.

God I'm creepy I just met this guy. Alex thought to himself.

"Wow. Okay on large black coffee coming up." The boy went and got the coffee and handed it to Alex.

"That'll be $4.25"

Alex dug in his pocket and handed it to him and said with a smile

"Thanks John."

"How did yo… oh yeah my name tag." He says with a chuckle

"Yeah. Well thank you I should head back to my dorm and wait for my roommate."

"First year?" Asked John.

"Yeah, got here this morning"

"Cool, what dorm? Sorry that seems creepy I just asked cause this is my first year too."

"It's fine. Um building G room 776. I'm sharing it with a someone Laurens, I forget his first name."

"John Laurens?"

"Yeah I think so. Do you know him?"

"Yeah pretty well actually."

"Really?"

"Yeah cause it's me."

"Wow awesome. So you can get me free coffee right, since I'm your new roommate?"

John starts laughing and manages to say,

"I wish I could."

"Awe, okay well I'm gonna get going I'll see you back at the dorm then."

"Yeah."

Alex turns and starts walking to the door.

He hears John tell from behind him.

"Wait!"

Alex turns around "Yes?"

"I didn't get your name." He says with a shy smile

"Alexander Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton."

"Okay we'll see you later Alexander"

"Bye John."

Alex turns and walks out and back to the dorm. The whole walk all he can think about is John. His smile, his hair, his freckles that covered every inch of skin Alex could see and god those eyes those beautiful green eyes.


	3. Chapter 2

AN: So this is going out a lot sooner than I imagined. I'm finishing this chapter after watching Christopher Jackson ABSOLUTELY KILL IT at the Emmys. But I wanted to say thanks to who followed and favorited this story Obviously I do not own any of these characters but I thought I'd put that in here.

Summary:

Johns swooning for Alex since he him. He, Lafayette, and Hercules almost scares Alex to death. Whoops.

(John's POV)

'Just two more hours. Two more hours then I'm out of here. I can go and move into my dorm, god I hope I don't get Jefferson as my roommate. I can't believe he's going to collage here.' John rolled his eye at the thought of Thomas Jefferson. Just then he heard the familiar sound of the little brass bell ringing as the door opened.

John looked up to see another college student around his age enter the café. Automatically he said, "Hello sir, what can I get for you today?"liked he'd been told to when he was first hired.

"A large black coffee is fine" said the cu- uh, boy as he walked to the counter.

As the boy walked closer to the counter John could see the bags under his eyes. He wondered if he had slept at all the night before. But even with the dark purple circles under his eyes he was by far the best looking customer John has seen all day. 'Calm down John he's only said like six words to you and barley glanced up at you'

"Wow. Okay one black coffee coming up." 'Way to make yourself sound like an ass John.' He thought to himself while getting the boy's coffee.

"That'll be $4.25."he said while handing the boy his coffee.

The boy took the coffee and dug around for the change and then handed the money to john the pay for his coffee.

"Thanks John."he said with a shy smile.

John's heart skipped a beat at hearing is name come from the cute boy before wondering aloud, "How did yo—oh, yeah, my name tag." with a slight chuckle.

"Yeah, um well thank you again. I should be heading back to my dorm to wait for my new roommate." He said.

"First year?"

"Yeah, got here this morning."

"What dorm? Sorry that sounded creepy, I only asked cause I haven't moved in yet so I don't know who I'm rooming with."

"Its fine. Um, but building G room 776. I'm sharing it with a someone Laurens, I forget his first name" the boy said.

"John Laurens?" John asked hopeful.

"Yeah, I think so. Do you know him?

"Yeah pretty well actually."

"Really?"the boy asked with a hint of hope in his tone but that could of just been John's imagination.

"Yeah cause it's me."

"Wow, awesome. So you can get me free coffee right, since I'm your new roommate?"

John tried not to laugh like, really, really tried not to laugh but the boy was just so cute when he asked john couldn't help it. "I wish I could" he said through laughs. 'I really do wish I could give your cute face a coffee everyday'

"Awe, okay well I'm gonna get going I'll see you back at the dorm then."

"Yeah" that was all John was able to get out, sad that the boy was leaving so soon.

With that the boy turned around and starts walking back to the door. Before John could stop himself John heard himself yelling "Wait!" The boy froze and slowly turned around.

"Yes?"

"I didn't get your name."john said with a smile feeling the heat rise in his cheeks.

"Alexander Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton." He said.

"Okay, I'll see you later Alexander"

"Bye John."was all Alexander said as he walked out of the shop.

After Alexander left John went back to wiping the counters and all he could think was

'Alexander. Alexander is a pretty name. I wonder if I could call him Alex though. I could call him coffee bean because of the color of his eye and the amount of coffee he seems to drink.' And so on.

Alex was back at the dorm room, he had change into sweat pants and a baggy sweatshirt as soon as he had gotten back. After he changed he got out his lap top, sat down on the couch and started writing a new column for the paper he worked at. He had been so engrossed in his work he hadn't realized that he had already been working for almost three hours that was until…

"WHAT TIME IS IT?" someone yelled as the bust into the dorm room followed by two other people yelling ,

"SHOWTIME!"

Alex almost falls off the couch and his heart was beating so fast he thought he was having a heart attack. After alex's heart returned to a normal pace he looked up to see John and two other boys staring at him. Both boys were taller than John but built very differently from each other. One was an inch of two shorter than the other a not quite as muscular with crazy curly hair pulled back into a bun. The other was tall and muscular and had short hair mostly covered by a navy blue beanie.

But now its time for Alex to yell, "What the fuck John! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!"

"I- um- I'm sorry Alexander I-" he looks at the two boys standing next to him "-we didn't mean to scare you."

"Mon ami, how do you know him if you haven't even moved in yet?" the slightly shorter of the two asked with a french accent.

"He came into the coffee shop earlier. "

"Oh- so this is th-" the taller one started to say until John elbowed him in the side.

' "is the" what' Alex wondered.

John turned to Alex

" So I guess ill introduce you gu-"

"Non mon ami" the curly haired one cut in "Je m'appelle Lafayette. Ravi de vous rencontrer.

"C'est sympa de vous rencontrer aussi. Je m'appelle Alexander."

"Tu parle francais?"

"Oui et espangnol."

Lafayette turned to John and the other boy and said "I like him. He speaks french and he also speaks Spanish for you John." He said that last bit with a smile.

"Okay okay that enough can I introduce myself?" asked the taller one.

"Oui, sorry mon amour."Lafayette said

" The names Hercules Mulligan and if you make one Disney comment I will snap you like a twig." He said with a slight smile but a piercing stare that meant he was completely kidding.

"Hercules! Don't scare the poor boy!" Lafayette told him

"Sorry."Hercules muttered

"It's fine. I'm Alexander Hamilton."

"It's nice to meet you Alex."Hercules said

"Okay now that we all know each other can we start moving me in please?" John asked

Yeah"

"Finnneeee" that one came from Lafayette

"Yeah. Sure" Alex said following everyone else to go get John's thing to bring up to the room.

After about and hour they had john all moved in and he was finishing unpacking. Hercules and Lafayette went back to their dorm to get a few movies(they all decided they'd watch a movie and hang out and get to know each other even though John, Hercules and Lafayette have known each other since high school) and order pizza and Alex went to his room to put his laptop away. While Alex was in his room he heard a knock on his door.

"Come in."

"Hey"

"Hey John."

John walked over and sat down on Alex's bed and when he did he noticed something on his nightstand.

"Are you bi?"John asked pointing to the small flag.

"W-what oh- yeah. He said turning a slight rose pink

"Cool. I'm gay. Glad I don't have to worry about a homophobic roommate. Oh and you'll fit in well with me Herc and Laf."John said

Alex's face turned a dark crimson and he got butterflies in his stomach when he heard john say he was gay. 'I have a shot! I'm not throwing away my shot!' Alex though to himself.

Alex? You okay? You spaced out."

"Oh yeah I'm good."

Then they heard the door to their dorm open and shut followed by the voices of Lafayette and Hercules.

After about twenty minutes of fighting, and their pizza arriving they finally picked a movie and put it on even though they barely paid attention to it. Most of the movie they were telling alex about all the dumb stuff they were dig in high school. Alex also learned that Hercules is bi just like him and Lafayette is gay. Also that they have been dating since the end of junior year.

After the movie everyone went to their rooms and just as alex was about to fall asleep it began to rain.

AN: Oh no small cliffhanger. So I started writing this chapter at 12 am and now its almost 5 am so sorry for any mistakes and I'm hoping to post agin later this week. Sorry ill add translations in the next chapters but I'm to tired right now. Okay bye I'm going to sleep.


	4. Chapter 3

AN:

TRIGGER WARNING: some mentioning of parental abuse nothing detailed though

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS

Thank you for reading and reviewing. I have gotten the reviews I don't know why they aren't showing up on the app of online but I have gotten them. Okay bye see you after this chapter.

Alex had put on some music to try and drown out the rain, and it had worked for awhile. As the rain picked up it also began to thunder and lighting and that's when Alex started to have a panic attack. He curled himself up in a ball on his bed than began to cry and hyperventilate.

"MOM! JAMES! Please come back!"

Sobbing*

"They're dead. Everyone I love is dead!"

more sobbing*

Alex can vaguely hear someone saying his name. He knows the voice but not who it be longs too. He continues to cry and shake and all while having flashbacks to when he lived in the Caribbean.

(John's POV)

As I begin to fall sleep I can hear a thunderstorm outside, it's kind of soothing. The storm drowns out the sound of the busy New York City traffic. Just as I fall asleep I hear someone scream and I sit up in bed. Then they scream again and I realize that it's coming from Alexander's room so I ran over to see what was going on.

When I got over there what I saw was not what I was expecting. Alex was curled up in his bed crying and screaming about everyone being dead. I rush over to him calling his name and rubbing soothing circles on his back.

"Alex. Alex can you hear me?"

No response but he has stopped screaming.

"Alex, it's John. You're safe, I'm safe, so are Herc and Laf. No one is dead. Alex you're in New York City."

Alex's breathing returned to normal.

"Alex if you can hear me can you nod your head." Alex nodded yes.

"Good. Alex I'm going to start counting, okay? And when you feel up to it I'd like you to start counting with me okay?" Alex shook his head again to let John know he heard him.

"One-two-three"

"Four-five-six"

"Seven-eight-nine"

"Ten"

"One-two-three" I started again

"Uno-dos-tres"Alex began counting in Spanish.

"Do you want to count in Spanish?"I asked and alex nodded in return again.

They both counted to ten multiple times before Alex was able to begin talking.

"Alex?"

"Y-y-yes?"he stuttered

"Are you okay?"

"N-not really. Storms freak me out a lot of the time. Especially at night."

"Do you want to talk about it?" "You don't have to of course."I quickly added.

"L-later n-not n-now."

"Okay. Goodnight Alexander."as I turn to leave Alex grabs my wrist.

"S-stay?"he asked.

"Of course." I sat down next to him on his bed and he pulled me down to lay next to him. He pulls himself close to my chest he's using me to protect himself from something. 'But what? What is he trying to protect himself from?' I wondered before I fell asleep.

I woke up before Alex and when I did he was still pulled close to me with his face in my chest. 'This is totally platonic. I was the only one here. He probably would have done this with everyone. Right?' I really wish this was something more than it was but it's not. I slowly crawled out of his bed but before I left I gave him a small kiss on the top of his head. After that I walked out the the kitchen to start some coffee and make breakfast.

(Alex's POV)

I don't remember much of last night but what I do isn't happy, well not until John was there. I remember having flash blacks to when my mother was sick and then the hurricane and then John was there. I remember him telling me that my new friends were okay and so was I then him counting. I mostly remember him agreeing to stay with me.

I woke up first but I didn't move I stayed there in the same position I fell asleep in. I soon felt John stirring and he soon woke up but he didn't say anything. He probably thinks I'm asleep since I'm laying there with my eyes closed. He soon starts to get up but I didn't want him too. ' Stay, please. You're so warm.' Is what I wanted to say but I didn't I let him go. 'Wait. Wait. What is he doing?' I can feel him leaning down over me.

'John what are you doi- OH MY GOD!! John freaking Laurens just kissed me!! Yes on the top of my head but he still kissed me!! Woohoo!'

A few minutes after he leaves I decide to get out of bed and go into the kitchen. John is in the kitchen making breakfast when I walk in and as soon as he looks at me I feel my face heat up.

"Good morning Alex."

"Good morning John."

I get my self a cup of the fresh brewed coffee and sit down on one of the stools at the counter. I sat there staring at him making his breakfast I missed what he said.

"- scrambled okay?"

"Sorry, What did you say?"

John lightly chuckled before he asked again "Are scrambled eggs okay?

"Oh you don't have to make me breakfast. I can get something later.'

"No I'm making you breakfast and we are gonna eat together and talk."

"Okay, and yes scrambled is perfectly fine."

"That's good cause it's the only kind I know how to make."he said with a laugh

'That laugh… he has the best laugh.'

A few minutes later we are sitting next to each other eating breakfast. When I realized I never said thank you for last night because I got distracted by the kiss.

"Thank you for everything last night."

"It's okay. I'm just glad you're okay now."

"Storms like that sometimes bring back bad memories from before."

I didn't want to talk about it but I knew I'd have to tell him sooner or later. I decided to tell him now because I didn't want him to lose sleep because I was having a panic attack over a harmless storm. I looked back over at him and he was looking at me slightly confused and asked, "

"Before?"

"Before I came to America. I was born and raised till the age of fifteen on a tiny island on the Caribbean."

I told him my life story well most of it. I told him how my father left, my mother died, and how they hurricane swept away my older brother and cousin when it destroyed our house. I told him how I bounced around foster homes until I made it to my now adoptive parents the Washington's.

"George, my adoptive father will be one of our professors this year."I told him

I didn't tell him why I went through so many foster homes I didn't ever tell anyone other than George and Martha about everything that happened in the homes. After I was done tell John everything he was practically in tears and so was I. he pulled me into a big hug and whispered things like

"You're safe here."and "I won't let you get hurt like that again so as long as I can."

We were both crying at this point just sitting thee when Herc and Laf had walked in.

I heard Laf whisper "Mon Amour, look at them. They're so cute."

Herc could use some work because when he responded with and "I know, they should get together." John and I both pulled away wiping our tears.

"Mon Amis are you okay? Why were you crying?"

Before I could gather myself enough to answer John had already answered with a simple

"We're fine Laf. Please drop it."

(shameless time skip to a week later)

John had had off work today so all four of them went out shopping a little bit, actually really only Lafayette shopped the rest of them were just there. Then they went to the park and had lunch then at some point Alex had fallen asleep with his head on John's knee. When he woke up John was drawing something in his sketch book but when Alex tried to look he pulled it away. After awhile all of them went back to the dorms. It was a good way to spend our last day before school starts tomorrow.

Later that night, like most nights in the past week the four boys watched a movie. It always went like this

-They'd fight about what movie to watch

-Someone would make popcorn

-They'd watch the first movie that had been suggested

\- Laf and Herc would get handsie

-Alex would fall asleep on either John's shoulder or his lap(John would never admit it but he loved when Alex fell asleep on his lap because he got to play with his hair)

-When the movie was over Herc would carry a sleeping Laf back to their room and John would carry Alex to his bed.

Tonight though, tonight was different. They watched the movie, Herc and Laf got handsie but when it was time for bed John was the one that had fallen asleep. Alex was the one who carried the sleeping roommate the their bed. John was bigger than alex and Alex was not that strong so when he finally got to John's bed he kinda dropped him on the bed. As he exited the room after tucking John in he heard john whimper in his sleep but ignored it and left the room closing the door behind him.

It was 2am and Alex was still up working on his column for the newspaper even though it wasn't due till the beginning of next week. Alex left his room to go get coffee but as he passed by John's room he heard faint crying. Alex knocked on the door but got no response but the crying had stopped; that told alex that John was awake and upset. Without thinking Alex opened John's door and walked in. When he walked in he saw John sitting on his bed wrapped in the blanket he had wrapped him in a couple hours ago. He walked over and sat next to John and began rubbing circles on his back just like John had done for him the first night here.

"John?"

"Hmm"

"What's wrong?"

"I had a bad dream."

"Do you want to talk about it? It might help."

"Y-yeah."

"Okay. What was the dream about?"

"My d-dad."

Alex immediately knew what his dream was about. The night after Alex's panic attack him and John had stayed up late talking. Alex told John more about his family and the hurricane and about life with the Washingtons. John then told Alex how his other had died when he was young but he remembered how pretty and sweet she was. Then he told Alex about his father, the senator for North Carolina. He told him how he would hit John and then how he beat him and shipped him off to the boarding school in Virginia after John told him he was gay. John said he sometimes has bad dreams of his father. But then he told Alex that as long as he stayed away his siblings would be safe from the wrath that is Henry Laurens Sr.

"I'm so sorry John." Alex hugged John close

They stayed like that for awhile until john lifted his head to look at Alex. Alex looked at John and their eyes met ad they just stared at each other while they moved closer and closer to each other until…

Alex's phone ringed signaling a text message and that seemed to break the trance the two boys were in.

"Who the hell is texting you at this time of night?" John asked.

Alex pulled his phone out of his pocket and looks at the text.

FROM: George(Dad)- Get some sleep son. I expect you to be fully awake in class.

"George."

"Your dad?"

"Yeah. He said to get some sleep. God he knows me to well."Alex said with a laugh.

"He's not wrong though. It is almost 3am. Wait, why is he up then?"

"He is always working so he probably got lost in his work again."

"Oh. Well we really should get some sleep. Good night Alex."

"Goodnight John."

AN: Wow over 2,000 words less than 24 hours later! Being sick sucks but at least I could write without family bugging me. That you to everyone who has been reading this story it means a lot.

LamsPickle: I would love that. My friend usally helps edit but shes been really busy so she hasn't been able too. If you want to PM me and we can talk more about it.e


	5. Chapter 4

**TW: cursing mentions of physical and mental abuse.**

 **Thanks again so much guys for reading and following this story. Hope you like this one sorry if everything seems rushed. See you next time. Bye**

6:00 am

Alex woke up two hours before his first class to get ready and, make sure he had all his things. He crept around the dorm trying not to wake up John. Alex had stayed up for another hour after he left John's room and he would hear John whimper eery now and then. It took all Alex had in him to not go in and lay down with him and pull him close.

7:00 am

As Alex was getting his third cup of coffee he heard quiet cursing following a loud thump from John's room. A few minutes later a shirtless John appeared from his room with his curly hair framing his beautifully freckled face. Alex looked down at his coffee as a blush spread across his face, but when he looked back up John wasn't there anymore. Alex looked at the time on his phone and then went to go brush his teeth. As Alex walked into the bathroom he ran into John. He looked up at John and right into his green eyes and before he knew what was going on he was on his tip toes leaning in for a kiss. After a few seconds John began to deepen the kiss before pulling away and saying,

"I'm so sorry- sorry. I um- I didn't- I'm sorry." as he ran into his room.

Alex followed John till he was standing outside John's door. He debated going in but then settled for just saying what he wanted to through the door.

"John, it's fine, really. And if anyone should be sorry it's me I came onto you first. " Alex checked the time again. "John I have to go to class but I'll come by the shop later and we can talk… I want to talk please?"

Alex heard a barely audible "Yeah" from behind the door.

Alex left and went to class.

(Alex POV)

I walked into my last class of the day, my da- I mean Professor Washington's class. I picked a seat off the the side towards the back of the room next to a girl in a light blue sundress. Ten or so minutes later my da- I mean Professor Washington walked into the class, took attendance, and began class. All through class I could see the girl in the sundress glancing over at me. After class she came up and talked to me but all I wanted to do was go see John.

", out tomorrow?" I only heard the end of the sentence.

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm kinda in a relationship… well, I want to be. I'm actually on my way to go talk to him. Again I'm so sorry. I'd love to get to know you though. The name's Alexander Hamilton." I rambled on

"Oh… It's okay and my names Eliza. I'll see you around."

"Yeah" I said as I ran out the door to go back to the dorm and drop my stuff off. After dropping my stuff off I went over the the coffee shop.

(John POV)

I can't stop thinking about this morning, Alex kissed me and then I ruined it because I'm needy. He wants to talk? What does that mean? Does he want to move out? Is he uncomfortable around me now? Have I ruined everything? I was so lost in my mind I only heard the last little bit of Eliza's rant about a cute boy she met in class. Eliza comes to the shop to pick up her younger sister Peggy but she like to stay and talk when she comes.

"He's really cute, kinda short but cute. But he said and I quote 'I'm sorry I'm kinda in a relationship… well, I want to be. I'm actually on my way to go talk to him.' Like what does that mean? Is he in a relationship or not?"

The bell above the door rang and I immediately looked up and Alex was walking in and right over to me… oh god what's that look in his eyes, anger? No, that's not it. Next thing I know Alex is standing right in front of me and pulls me off the stool I'm sitting on. I could barley hear Eliza say "That's him. Wait…what?"

"A-Alex w-what are you doing?" I asked as he pulled me up.

"What I've wanted to since I first saw you."he said as he pulled me into a passionate kiss full of want and desire. I tensed at first but after a moment I melted into his touch. We didn't pull away until we needed air.

"See, there's no need to run away unless..." but then he lowered his voice and said "you want me to follow you into the bedroom."

"Umm… what the hell John?!"

"Eliza! I'm sorry, this is Alex. Alex this is Eliza."

"If you would have listened to a word I said you would already know that I met him." She scuffed as she stormed out of the coffee shop.

"Yeah shes in my dads class. We sit next to each other, and she kinda asked me out after class today." Alex added

"She. Did. What?"

"At least I'm pretty sure I was kinda busy thinking about getting here and kissing you. But I heard the last of a sentence and it ended with 'out tommorow?'."

"So you must have been the guy she was telling… wait did you tell her that you are in a relationship? You must have be pretty sure this was gonna go your way, huh?"

"Well… yeah I guess, but you did start a full on make out session in the bathroom this morning" he said with this shit eating grin that just makes me want to kiss him, I'm pretty sure he knows that too.

"Don't turn this on me. My shift ends in five minutes wanna go somewhere and talk?"

"Yeah sure, but I only speak the truth about that kiss" and there it is again that grin.

After we went to the park and talked they went back to the dorm. When we got back to the dorm we played whatever movie was already in the DVD player.

Halfway through the movie Herc and Laf burst into the room yelling

"WHAT TIME IS IT?"

"SHOWTI-"

Both Herc and Laf freeze in place and stare at Alex and me.

"Um… What the fuck you guys?" Hercules finally said

Alex scooted away from John and quickly sit out

"It's not what it looks like."before leaving and almost running to his room and shutting the door behind him.

It was Laf who spoke now, "One, Are you two dating now or just like friends that make out sometimes? Two, why did he run out like that?"

"Yes we are. And-" I started but then was cut off by Alex coming back out.

"I'm sorry for running out. Like John said we are together snd when Herc yelled it reminded me of a foster father I had once." Alex said

"I'm sorry Alex I didn't mean to scare you." Herc apologized

"It's fine you didn't know. Do you guys want to stay for dinner and a movie?"

"We can't we're going out on a date tonight."

"It's fine, I'll just make Alex a nice dinner then." I said

After dinner we laid down on the couch and watched a movie.

(Alex POV)

'I need to tell him about Jones. I'm going to tell him after the movie.' " But what if he thinks I have to much baggage and changes his mind about me?" I hadn't realized I said the last part till after John hugged me closer and whispered

"I'd never do that."

We stayed hugged close together for the rest of the movie. After the movie we went and sat on my bed and I began to tell him about Jones.

"In my first foster home with the Jones they were very homophobic and one day Mr. Jones walked into the living room while I was kissing a boy from school. After then I wasn't allowed to be around their son, they wouldn't give me regular meals and Mr. Jones would hit me and tell me I was a gross fag and other things."

I hadn't even realized that I began crying as I continued

"A lot of my foster homes were the same and then I moved in with the Washingtons' and I began to trust people again. They were very okay with who I was and I had my first real boyfriend in my sophomore year in high school after living with them for a little over a year. But even though I've been with the Washington's for five years and they adopted me right before I turned eighteen, I couldn't help but see Mr. Jones when Herc yelled and it scared me.''

John pulled me closer and started whispering sweet things into my hair and giving me kisses on my head.

"I would never leave you for something you couldn't control. If I did I'd also be a total ass cause you're hear after learning about my dad."

"Thank you John" I said as I stopped crying.

"Your welcome baby girl." He said and I could feel the smirk he had as he rested he head on mine.

"Don't call me baby girl, freckles."

"To bad. Freckles? I like that."

"Go to sleep John."

"Okay." John got up to leave but I grabbed his hand hand a pulled him back down.

"Stay."

"Okay baby girl."

I cuddled close to John and fell asleep. It was the best sleep I've had in a long time, I think I could get use to it.


	6. Chapter 5

**TW: Cursing, Mention of blood, Fighting**

 **Sorry it's taken awhile to get this update out I've had a bad case of writers block and no time to write. This chapter is kinda crappy but it's and update.**

Alex woke up first like he had all week. Today was Saturday and the two didn't have any plans, so Alex laid in bed watching John sleep. Eventually John woke up and they made breakfast.

"What do you want to do today?" John asked with a moutnful of toast.

"Doesn't matter to me."Alex said finishing his coffee and walking towards the couch and his laptop. He opened it and started typing.

John whined "Why are you always writing? Take a break."

"I'm looking for somthing for us to do John."

"Oh, okay."

"There is a moive showing in the park tonight. We could pick up dinner and go see it."

John thought about it for a minute before saying "Sure thing babygirl. It's a date."

Alex and John spent most of the day cuddling and making out. Occasionally they would take a break and watch some tv or eat but it never lasted long. Soon five o'clock rolled around and they got ready to got pick up some take out and go see the movie.

As they we walking out of the resturant with their food the boys ran into Eliza and her sisters. Eliza looked pissed as hell but happy all at the same time, it was confusing. Her older sister Angelica grabed her hand and whispered something to her as they aproched Alex and John.

" Hey Eliza, Angie" said Alex

"And Peggy!"John added quickly before she got upset

"Hi boys."Angelica said coldly

"Hey" Eliza said with a small wave

"Eliza, I'm sorry. I should have been paying attention when you were talking and told you that Alex and I had kissed that morning." John said

"Yeah, I'm sorry too Eliza. I apologize for hurting you."

"It's okay boys really. It just hurt a little but I'm glad to see everything worked out for you two."she said looking at the boys interlocked hands

"Okay."they both said

"Hey! We're going to the park movie night thing would you three like to join us?"Alex asked

"Yes!"said peggy who had remained weirdly quiet till now

"Sure, why not?" Angelica said

"Yes I'd love to. Thank you." Eliza answered

All five of them walked to the park and found a spot to sit on the grass. The one downside to their spot… Jefferson was right next to them. Jefferson and his "just a friend"as he likes to say James Madison sat next to them talking through the whole movie. After the movie Alex got up and walked over to them.

"Hey! Jeffershit!"he yelled

"Ugh. What do you want Hamilass?"

"For you to shut the hell up!"

"Ha! You're one to talk, you never shut your damn mouth. You're always fighting or yelling about something in class."

"At least what I say is true! Unlike the bullshit you speak!"

"Yeah right Hamilton. That's just what you daddy tells you."

That was the last straw. Alex didn't know how Jeferson found out and he didn't care. Next thing he knew John was pulling him away from Jefferson and his han and face hurt. When he looked up he saw that Jefferson had a bloody nose and james was dragging him out of the park while yelling at him.

It had been a week since the accident in the park, alex and Thomas hadn't gotten into anymore phyical fights so John though he would take Alex out to celebrate. John took Alex to a niceish resturant. They ordered their meals, talked, ate, payed and left and went back to the dorm.

 **(John POV)**

I unlocked the door to our dorm after struggling for a few seconds because of Alex kissing me and refusing to stop so I could open the door. Once we were finally inside I shut and locked the door and walked us towards the couch while kissing him and taking off his shirt.

 _(A/N: stopping it there but you can imagine what happened from there)_

 **(Alex POV)**

I could hear my phone riging and I knew it was George because of the ringtone. I let it go to voicemail assuming he just wanted to talk about an essay or something like that. I snuggled up closer to John and went back to sleep.

 **(George POV)**

I called Alex to let him know I was on my way with Martha to come visit him before we left for the next week on a trip to go visit some of our friends in Virginia. He didn't answer so I asumed he was still asleep so I thought I'd stop and get him coffee before going over because he can be grumpy before coffee. We walked to his dorm and knocked a couple times but no response. I tried to open the door but it was locked. Then a couple doors down I saw two other students and I reconized them from when they would meet Alex after class.

"Hercules? Gilbert?"

"Hi sir. And you can call me Lafayette or Laf."

"Okay I'll remember that. But um, I was wondering if you possibly had a spare key to alex's room. And before you say that it's against college rules I know that almost all student do it and you won't be in trouble."

"Well okay in that case yes we do, here."Hercules said handing me the extra key.

"Thank you."

"Yep we were actually on our way to get see if John wanted to come study for our class."Laf said

I knew who John was and I knew him and Alex were together but I had never met him. Alex talks about him all the time, especially about his art and his love for turtles and of course his freckles. He says they look like stars covering his face.

"Oh, Okay well we are just saying hi to alex before we leave for Virginia. So you can come in and study with John."

"Okay Thank you Mr. Washinton" Hercules said as he opened the door

What I saw when I walked in was definitly **not** I was expecting.

 **(John POV)**

I woke up to a little Alex cuddles close to me on the dorm couch and… laughing, whistling, a female voice saying 'Oh my god!'over and over and a deep male voice saying 'Alex?' When I opened my eyes I saw Laf and Herc laughing and whistling at Alex and me and… Mr. Washington and a woman I assume is his wife standing in m-

' _Oh MY GOD! Mr. Washington like Alex's dad Washington and if that his wife it's Alex's mom!'_ I thought while wrapping the blanket closer around us and waking Alex up.

' _What I great fucking way to me my boyfriends parents.'_

 **(Alex POV)**

I woke up When John started haking me and telling me to get up. I looked at his and he looked scared and as I was about to ask why I saw why. George and Martha are standing in the doorway to the dorm with Laf and Herc.

"Shit! George! Martha! What are you doing here!? Get out!"I yelled at them

"We came to say goodbye and have breakfast with you before we leave later. Don't you remember?" George said as he walked out into the hallway

Shit yeah I remember Martha texting me earlier this week about it but I totally forgot. I ran around the dorm getting dressed and throwing cloths at John to get dressed.

"You're coming this morning by the way. It'll be good for you to meet my par- George and Martha." Even after almost six years I still can't call them my parents and I hate myself for it because I care about them and they care aout me and have helped me through so much. They showed me love when no one else did.

"Are you sure today is the right day for that Alex?" he asked me as I opened the door to let everyone in again.

"Yes." I said looking at him

"Hello Alex, John"George said nodding to both of us

"Hello Mr. Washington"John said while looking at the ground obviously still embarresed.

"Hi Dad,Mom." I chocked out knowing it would put a smile on their faces

"Hi Alex."Martha said giving me a big hug.

"And you must be John. Alex can not stop talking about you."Martha said walking over to John

"I assume so Mrs. Washington. That is unless there is another John I don't know about."he said with a smile.

She laughed before responding "Please call me Martha and I doubt it. You look just like he decribed you."

"Okay Ma'am"

"You better keep him around Alex maybe he'll rub off on you" She said cause even I have to admit I have shit for manners

"I think he's done more that that already Mrs. Washington. " Laf said before him and Herc fell to the floor laughing.

After talking in the dorm for awhile Alex and John joined George and Martha for breakfast. Everything went great they both loved John and after breakfast in the parking lot Martha pulled Alex aside and told him to make sure things work out with John because she really likes him and wants him to stick around. Alex couldn't stop replaying that in his head the rest of the day. Martha, his mom liked his boyfriend and wants his to stick around.

 **A/N: So yeah. I honestly don't know what that chapter was it was mostly just a filler. Sorry the ending was rushed I just got lazy and I have writers block so I'm just happy I got anything written. A little heads up there will be a two or three month time jump because I want to get to some good stuff and I don't want this tory to drag on but I will put an update of what**


	7. Chapter 6

TW: Cursing, Blood, Abuse Mental/Physical, Self Hate/Harm, Homophobic Slurs, Fighting, Panic Attacks

Okay like I said at the end of the last chapter we will be getting to a lot of stuff and we are also skipping ahead from the end of September to a week before Christmas. As promised here is the rundown of the past two months

The week that George and Martha were away Laf and Herc got into a big fight. The reason being Herc went out, got drunk and didn't come home because he passed out on the way home. Laf moved into Alex and John's dorm which caused extra stress on the new couple and they had a small fight but made up quickly. After a week or so Laf and Herc were alright and Herc promised to not go out drinking alone. October wasn't very eventful after all that. The Schuyler sisters became a part of the friend group and they held a big halloween party at their house. November came and went everyone went home to their families for Thanksgiving. There were only a few classes between Thanksgiving and Christmas and only two of the seven had them but everyone came back to see everyone and get away from their families. Here we are now with a week till Christmas and only Herc and Laf are leaving to go spend Christmas with Herc's parents like they did for Thanksgiving. The Schuyler's were only a half hour drive from their home so they decided to stay on campus with Alex and John who refused to go back home for Christmas.

(John POV)

The Schuyler sisters, Alex, and I just said bye to Herc and Laf as they head to the airport to go to Herc's parents for Christmas. The rest of us decided we would go out tonight for dinner but Alex and I both needed to go back to the dorms to get ready.

As I was getting in the shower I heard my phone ring in the bedroom.

"Alex can you answer my phone?"

"Yeah."

A minute later I heard him come into the bathroom

"Uh, I think you should take this."

"Why? Who is it?"

"Your dad."

I froze but then I turned off the shower and took my phone from Alex.

(Alex POV)

"Yeah." I said as I pick up John's phone without bothering to look at the caller ID. I had assumed it was one of the sisters asking how long till we would be ready.

"Hello John's phone." I said putting the phone up to my ear

"Who is this?" the voice on the other end asked

"Alexander Hamilton sir. May I ask who you would be and why your calling?"

"Im Henry Laurens. I'm John's father and who are you Alexander?"

"I'm his roommate sir."

"Okay now may I speak with my son?"

"Yes one moment."

I walked into the bathroom and told John he should take the call because it was his father. Ten minutes later John came storming out of the bathroom with a towel tied around his waist and threw his phone onto his bed.

"My fucking father is coming up here for Christmas! As if that wasn't bad enough he asked if my "little problem" was fixed!" he said putting air qoutes around 'little problem'.

"Why is he coming up here?" I asked

"Because I refuse to go back down to North Carolina. But he probably just wants to make sure I'm not dating someone. God what are we going to do? If he finds out he'll.. he'll probably kill you or me or both." He said rambling on

"Then we won't tell him and we can tell the sisters not to say anything to him." I suggested "I'll also talk to my parents and let them know it'll just be me coming over for dinner on Christmas Eve."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Yes. Of course I would your my boyfriend and I love you." I said but I could see him tense up and then I realized what I said

"John I'm sorry. I didn't mean to" I was cut off by him kissing me

"I love you too Alex. We should get going before Angelica kills us."

"Yeah. Go get dressed and then we can leave."

(John POV)

Im laying in bed sleeping the next thing I know I'm getting dragged out of my bed.

"NOOOO! DAD! PLEASE STOP!" he doesn't stop he just keeps hitting me

"I can't believe I have a huge fagot as a son! You disgust me!"

"Im sorry Dad! I can cha-" I was stopped by a firm kick to my ribs I started coughing and then I saw blood. I couldn't figure out if I was coughing up blood or if it was from my lip.

"Pack your bags you're leaving in the morning."he spat in my face

Right before he punched me in my face again I woke up and shot straight up. It was just a nightmare.

"John? Are you okay?" Alex asked sitting up in bed

"Y-yeah just a bad dream."

"John that's the third one since your dad called. Are you sure he should stay here when he gets here?"

My dad was planing to stay in my room in the dorm and I would sleep on the couch and Alex would stay in his room.

"Yeah I'll be fine."

"Okay." I know he doesn't believe me but at least he dropped it.

I laid back down and he pulled me close and we both went back to sleep for a couple more hours. When we woke up we moved anything of his out of my room and back to his and anything of mine from his room back into mine. After everything was where it should be and the dorm was clean we went to go pick my dad up from the airport.

(Alex POV)

As we drove to the airport I couldn't help but wonder why Henry Laurens one of the most homophobic men in the world was coming here. I know he says he just wants to see his son for Christmas. But with everything that John has told me about how his father would beat him in the middle of the night and yell such disgusting thing I couldn't help but think he wouldn't want to be anywhere near John. First he made John come home for Thanksgiving, that had been the first time he was told to come home on holiday since he went away to boarding school. Now here he is up in New York for Christmas. I just pray he doesn't find out.

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"You sure you want to do this? You could just drive home. We can get a cab."

"I'm sure. Lets go."

"Okay."

We got out of the car and we walked to the door of the airport

"John? One last kiss before we go in?"

"Of course baby girl"

We shared a sweet loving kiss and when it was over we walked into the airport.

(John POV)

I watched closely as the passengers from my dads fight exited the plane. I tensed when I saw my father and I know Alex noticed because he whispered something to me but I was to panicked to know what. He slowly walked over to us looking between Alex and I multiple times before focusing his gaze on me.

"Hello Jacky." He said as he clapped me on the shoulder. I had to try so hard not to flinch at the touch.

"Hello Father."

"Who is this Jacky?" he asked tilting his head towards Alex.

"Alexander Hamilton sir." Alex said

"Oh, the roommate?"

"Yes sir."

"He drove me here to pick you up, so don't be rude to him."

"Okay, well why haven't you gone home to be with family Alex?"

"My Family lives close to campus. My f-father is a professor at the school." I noticed that Alex struggled to call George his father so I thought I'd try to change the subject.

"So father do you want to go pick up your luggage?"

"Yes, can you come help me grab my bags?"

"Yes sir." Alex and I both started walking with him but then he turned to Alex and asked him to go start the car so it would be warmed up when we got to the car. Alex looked at me and I shook my head telling him I'd be okay. With that he turned and went out to the car.

As we walked to collect my fathers luggage he grabbed my arm and stopped walking. I turned to face him.

"Don't speak to me like that again Jack. Do you understand?"His whole demeanor changed from when we were talking with Alex.

"Yes sir. Sorry."

"Good. Let's get going."

We got his luggage and went out to the car where Alex was waiting for us.

The drive home was very quiet. When we got back to the dorm I helped my dad get settled and then we ordered lunch. The rest of the day I spent listening to my dad rant on about his work and then he gave a brief update on my siblings. He went to bed around eight so he could finish some work. George had stopped by to say hi to Alex and drop off and assignment that Alex had left at the house when he was there. After he left I told my dad that Alex and I had homework that was due after break so we were going to the library to work on it.

Alex and I went for a walk around campus but we didn't hold hands in case my father came looking for me. While we were out Jefferson came over to us With Madison and was being an ass like always but then he said something that scared me.

"I know who your father is and I know his view on homosexuality. It would be a real shame if he found out his son and his roommate were dating."

After that he and Madison walked away laughing. Alex and I went straight back to the dorm and went to bed separately. I had a hard time falling asleep and I knew Alex did too cause I could hear him rolling around in his bed trying to sleep.

An: So I'm ending this here for now because if I don't it'll be super long. I also wanted to get another chapter out as soon as possible. A huge thank you to the reviewer on the last chapter you made my day. This will probably have another chapter or two to complete this part of the story. Sorry again for the rushed ending in the last chapter. Bye See you later.


	8. Chapter 7-part 1

**AN: This is part 1 of 2! I was going to have it been all one chapter but for reasons explained at the end I'm splitting it up into two. oh and there's little editing so I'm sorry I'll fix it eventually... eh probably not but whatever.**

 **TW: Cursing, Blood, Abuse Mental/Physical, Mention of Self Hate/Harm, Mentions of Unhealthy Eating Habbits, Homophobic Slurs, Fighting, Panic** **A** **ttacks**

 **(John POV)**

I woke up and my dad wasn't in the dorm, I tried calling him but he didn't answer. I heard the clicking of the keys from Alex's laptop in his room so I knew he was awake. I got up and made coffee, I poured a cup for him and myself then walked to his room. I knocked on wit my foot cause I couldn't open the door.

"Come in."

"I cant't"

"Why?"

"I can't open the door with hot coffee mugs in my hands."

Alex opened the door. "Is your dad back yet?"

"No wh-" he cut me off with a kiss but I pulled away quickly.

"Fine then." He said as he took a mug and turned around pushing his door shut

"Alex." I opened the door and walked in pushing it shut behind me

"No, get out." He said as he started working on his laptop again

"Why?"

"Because I really want to kiss you and I can't and it makes me mad."

"I'm sorry babe." I gave him a hug and walked out

When I walked out my dad was sitting on the couch with a to-go cup from the coffee shop I work at. He looked up from his phone and then he asked a question I hoped he wouldn't

"Isn't that Alex's room"

Of course he would notice that. He dosen't notice what all his abuse caused me, he ignored the drastic weight lose and the cuts then when he couldn't he sent me to a boarding school in a different state. No, he only notices this. The fear that his son is gay and actually happy with another guy over powers any morality this man has. I'm scread he heard us talking and is going to hit me but he makes no move to get up.

"I made coffee and I took him a cup."

"That was kind of you. Now can you show me around the campus?"

I was shocked by his response but I didn't let it show "Yes. I'll go get dressed and then we can go."

I had just finished showing my dad around campus and we were going back to the dorm when I heard my least favorite voice call my name.

"Hey Johnny boy!"

"What do you want Jefferson?" I practicaly growled at him

"Woah calm down. I was just wondering who your guest is?"

"He's my father."

"Henry Laurens." My father said extending his hand

Jefferson shook my dad's hand "Thomas Jefferson sir."

"Can we go now Jefferson? I have work to do." I asked angrily

Thomas smirked "Work with Hamilton I assume?"

 _'_ _Fuck you Thomas'_

"Yes it's our project for Washington's class."

"Okay, well I'll let you go. I have to meet Madison anyway."

With that he turned and walked away

A couple days later , the day before Christmas eve, Alex and I told my father we had work to do on our project and would be going to the library. He was already going off campus for work anyway so I knew he wouldn't come looking for me.

 **(Henry's POV)**

I had just arrived back at the campus after a meeting and was walking back to John's dorm when someone ran into me.

"I'm so sorry sir."

"It's fine young man just watch where you're going next time."

The boy looked up at me and I realized it was the young boy I had met in the quad earlier. What was his name? Ah yes, Thomas that's it.

"It's Thomas, right?" I asked

"Yes sir. You're Henry Laurens the Senetor for North Carolina correct?"

"Yes that's correct."

"You are against gay marriage is that correct."

"Yes"

I saw I slight smirk appear on the boy's face before he said "Are you aware that your son is openly gay and dating his roommate?"

I saw white flashes of anger flash in my eyes but I kept a cool compoused stature while responding. "Yes I am aware of my son's choice in being gay but not of him dating his roommate."

"Oh, well I do hope this causes no trouble between you two."

I turned away from him and went up to John's dorm…

 **AN: I'm so sorry that it's been three weeks! At first I was having writers block (I still am with the second half) but then turns took a turn for the worst for my mental health. I haven't been okay for awhile now but it's kinda getting better but with the holidays and all the shit that I know will happen don't be surprised if I disappear for awhile again. Honestly this story has kept a tiny bit of happiness in my life these last few weeks. Thank you for being patient ill get the second part out soon. Bye.**


	9. Chapter 7-part 2

**TW: Cursing, Blood, Abuse Mental/Physical, Mention of Self Hate/Harm, Mentions of Unhealthy Eating Habits, Homophobic Slurs, Fighting, Panic** **A** **ttacks**

 **(John's POV)**

Alex and I had gotten back to the dorm 15 minutes or so ago and we're sitting on the couch watching TV. Not cuddling obviously, we don't know when my father will be back and we didn't want to risk falling asleep cuddled together.

The next thing I know my dad comes storming into the dorm and I see a version of him I haven't seen in years and it terrifies me.

 **(Alex POV)**

John and I were watching TV when his father came storming into the room. He was yelling and screaming at John and then me and back at John. I only caught a few of the things he said

"Dating. Fags. Disgust me."

Was all I heard but then I saw John stand up and then be knocked to the ground. It took a few seconds to realize what was happening.

 _'_ _He just hit him…Henry Laurens just hit his son…'_

I got off the couch and tried to get Henry to stop but he just pushed me back into the wall. I knew I was to small to stop him but I kept trying. John fought back and got a good punch in right to Henry's jaw. That only seemed to enrage him more and I tried to get him to stop but he threw me away again and that's when I knew I needed help. I knew my- well George was on campus because we ran into him earlier and his office wasn't far so I called him

He picked up on the second ring

"Hey Alex, what's up?"

"Come. Dorm. Please." Was all I could get out and then I hung up.

I don't know how long it had been till he got there because I just sat in the corner crying watching the love of my life be beaten by the on person that is supposed to love you unconditionally. Finally George got there and literally threw Henry out of the dorm, I ran over to John still crying.

John looked at me and smiled he insisted he was fine and didn't need to go to the hospital, even though his nose was bleeding along with a cut above his also winced when he sat up. We sat on the floor crying together while George called the police. John told him it was no use, that Henry would be out of custody within the hour.

A few hours later John and I were cuddling on the couch trying to process everything and I swore to him that Henry would never hurt him again. Henry did indeed get out of custody but he was on his way back to North Carolina thankfully.

 **(Christmas Day Still Alex POV)**

I woke up before John so I decided I would let him sleep and make breakfast. He hasn't been sleeping well since the incident with Henry. I slowly got out of bed so I wouldn't wake him up. I walked into our small "kitchen" in our dorm. We had eggs and bacon in our mini fridge so that's what I made. After I was done making the eggs and bacon I cut up an orange and put all the food on the plates. Once the food was on the table with our coffee I went and woke up John. I gently shook him awake.

"Merry Christmas" I said with a smile on my face.

"Merry Christmas Lexi" I smiled at the nickname

"I made breakfast for us, it's on the table along with our coffee."

"Okay, I'll get up and be right out."

"Okay." I walked out and when I went out I sat one of John's presents on his seat.

 **(John POV)**

I got out of bed and put on my hoodie and walked out to the table to have breakfast. When I got to the table there was a small wrapped box sitting in my normal seat.

"Merry Christmas Baby. Go ahead open it."Alex said when he noticed me staring at it

"Okay…" I opened the box and inside was a small stuffed turtle

"Alex I love it, thank you."

"That's just the beginning. I still have a couple more for you that you"ll get when we go to dinner tonight at George and Martha's."

"Okay, can I get you your present?"

"Eat first, the food is getting cold."

"Okay mom."I said only half jokingly as I sat down and started eating

After we ate I got Alex his present: a new leather journal with an 'A'on the front and one of his favorite type of pens.

We watched Christmas movies while cuddling on the couch until we had to get ready to leave for dinner. I got up off the couch first and got my shower while Alex got George and Martha's present wrapped and got his outfit together.

Once we were ready we left for the Washington's house. When we got there we had dinner and after we exchanged presents. Alex got George a new briefcase and Marta a new charm for her necklace. Then he handed me a bag and it had a book in it titled

'Beginners Guide to Owning a Turtle'. I was really confused because I don't own a turtle, unless you count all of my stuffed turtles, so when I looked back up at Alex and he was holding a turtle I squealed. I squealed like a teenage girl in front of not only Alex but also Mr. and Mrs. Washington and I don't even care because, Alex got me a freaking turtle! I took the turtle from Alex and held it close.

"So do you like it?"

"Alex are you crazy?! I love it!"

"Good. What are you going to name him?"

"Flash."

Alex chuckled to himself "That's a great name for him babe."

"I know." I said with a bit of sass in my tone

 **(Alex POV)**

We stayed at George and Martha's for a while after I gave john his turtle, he paid more attention to Flash then me. After we came home we got Flash settled in his tank and then we resumed our Christmas movie marathon that we started this morning.

By the second movie I was falling asleep and the last thing I remember think was that this was the best first Christmas for us.

 **AN: Okay y'all here is the second part to chapter seven it's not good by any means but it's something I also realized how unedited the first half was so I will go through and fix that along with any here as well over the weekend. Love you all! Thank you for continuing to read this! Bye till next time!**


	10. Chapter 8

**AN:** **Sorry this is so short I honestly hate it but here it is anyway.**

 **Also I would like to say I honestly don't know what will happen now to this story with the lose of net neutrality. Sorry.**

 *****Trigger Warnings***** **cursing and self harm I'll put three *'s before and after the self harm**

 **(Alex's POV)**

It's a week since Christmas and John has still been sleeping alone in his room. He hasn't wanted to go out together or even stay in and watch a movie. I've offered to watch his favorite movie even though I HATE it hoping to get him out of his room. I'm starting to worry, ever since his father came and everything happened he hasn't been the same. He locks himself in his room with Flash and barely comes out for food or water.

I'm going to text Laf and Herc, hopefully they can help.

 **: Guys I need your help.**

 **FrenchBaguette: With what Mon ami**

 **KissMeImIrish: ?**

 **: It's John. He won't leave his room and he wont talk to me.**

 **: He won't even watch that dumb movie he likes!**

 **FrenchBaguette: Moana is not dumb. But as for John I don't know… The last time he was like that was when he had first gotten to our old boarding school.**

 **KissMeImIrish: Yeah he was hella depressed back then. Oh and there was one time after an especially bad phone call and fight with his dad he got all dark and depressed for a few weeks.**

 **is typing…**

 **FrenchBaguette: Amour did you seriously use 'hella'?**

 **KissMeImIrish: Yes**

 **: Okay… so what you're saying is that John might be depressed?** **It would probably be a result of that monster of a father Henry's visit. Is there anything I could do to help him? I hate seeing him like this, I love him I just want him to be happy. He won't even let me in his room half the time. When he does come out of his room he looks a mess. I just wish I could make him feel better ugh… I love him so much! I don't know what I'd do without him in my life. He's the light at the end of a long day of classes, he makes and bad mood wash away just by seeing his face. His smiles god his smile is like… sorry didn't mean to ramble like that but it's all true.**

 **FrenchBaguette: Mon Dieu petit lion, you really do love and care for him.**

 **KissMeImIrish: Johnny boy is very lucky**

 **FrenchBaguette: As for helping him, just be there, let him know you are there for him for anything and everything. He may say he doesn't want you to be around him and doesn't want to watch the movie but he does. Keep offering but don't ask too much. You don't want to upset him more.**

 **: Okay so don't pester him, be there for him, and don't let him always be alone in his room. Got it.**

 **: Thanks!**

 **FrenchBaguette: No problem petit lion.**

 **KissMeImIrish: Don't tell him we told you anything.**

 **: Got it.**

I haven't heard anything from John's room so I'm assuming he's asleep. I got up out of bed and went to the "kitchen" to make food for us both, I figure I'll take him some then try to stay with him and talk for a bit. I ended up making frozen waffles, but hey it's food. As I enter John's room I see he's not asleep but sitting at his desk doing something that I can't see. I walk over to him and drop the waffles.

 **(John's POV)**

It's been a week since Christmas, I'm hurting… mentally. I keep thinking about what my dad was saying as he was hitting me. Then I think back to when I was younger and he said the same things but never hit me… that didn't start till my mom died. So that's how I found myself here, looking at old picture I stole from the house years ago of my mother when she was younger and ones of my siblings and a couple of the whole family when everyone was happy… before I came out and ruined that happiness and before my mother died and my dad started drinking and beating me.

***This is too much all of this is too much. The memories, the feelings, everything. I open the drawer of my desk and pull out an old mint tin with my blades in it, I take one out and look at it. I told myself years ago I'd never do this again, I promised to my mom even though she was not and is not here anymore that I'd never do this again but I can't hold it together anymore. It started as one cut then two more but before I knew it my whole left fore arm was littered with small jagged cuts. Then I heard a crash. I jumped and turn around and behind me is Alex… ***

Alex saw them, he saw the cuts! Oh god no, no,no, NO! This can't be happening. He's going to thing I'm a freak and leave me. He's going to Laf and Herc. They can't know I'm doing it again. They'll make me go back to therapy… so will Alex . Why… why can't I just be normal and not fuck up everything good in my life?

"J-john? Why?" was all Alex said

I didn't answer him I just turned back around and covered them up.

"John… Baby please. Talk to me." he pleaded

I couldn't, I just couldn't't so I did the one thing I knew what to do at this moment which was run.

I got up, grabbed my coat and ran out for the dorm. I didn't stop once I got out side I just kept running I ran and ran until I got to the train station and bought a ticket out of New York.


	11. Chapter 9

Filler Chapter! This will all just be their thoughts on the situation!

(Third Person POV)  
It's been three months since John left, he got all his classes transferred to online courses. He hasn't talked to anyone from the group since he answered a call said he was fine and safe and told them to stop calling him then hung up.  
John has been living in Philadelphia with Ben Franklin, an old friend from boarding school. He was a TA when John had first gotten there and he helped John get better before and he hopes he can again.

(Alex's POV)  
Three months… It's been three months without John, my life, my rock, my everything. He never answered any of my calls, he only answered once, for Peggy and told her to tell us all to stop calling. He said he was safe, but I don't believe him. I'm scared that he's still doing it. I know he got all his classes transferred to the online courses because he's not on the rosters anymore. I asked George if the school told him anything but they didn't, or he's not telling me.

Wherever you are John I love you, please be safe and stay alive.

(Peggy's POV)  
I'm really worried about John, I know he told me he's fine and safe, but I have this gut feeling. It's telling me he's not as fun and safe as he says he is. John is my best friend and Alex is like my brother and without John Alex isn't himself. I really hope nothing happened to him because I'd feel so guilty because I'm the one he answered, I'm the only one he has talked to and I didn't try hard enough.

Alex needs the love of his life back and I need my best friend back, please come home John.

(Laf's POV)  
I miss John, I miss my little turtle boy. I can't help but feel guilty for this, I knew what could happen as a result of a visit from his father, I knew something like this would happen after what happened during his fathers visit. I can't believe I let this happen, I should have checked on him, talked to him, do literally anything aside from what I did do, let him be.

Please come back John, so I can hug you and then yell at you for leaving and then hug you again

(Herc's POV)  
God damn it John! Why did you have to leave?! We all miss you, Alex and Laf are practically falling apart over this. They both blame themselves, I have been comforted them and helping them but I miss you too John. Sure, we fight and bicker like brothers but that's because we are, I need my brother. Peggy misses you too, she thinks that anything you do for yourself will be her fault because she didn't try hard enough to get you to come home.

Stay safe little brother and come home soon.

(George's POV)  
I'm worried about John and worried about Alex and his friends. I know that John is in Philadelphia with an old friend. I didn't tell Alex when he asked because I knew he and the boys would go to try and force him back.  
I emailed after the first week and he responded telling me where he was and that he was sorry for all the trouble he's caused. I reassured that no one is mad at him and that we all still care for him and miss him dearly. He promised he'd be back eventually saying sorry in person if nothing else.

Good luck John, I believe in you. I know you are strong and can pull through whatever is going on in that young mind of yours.

(Ben's POV)  
I was really worried when John just showed up at my apartment, he was a mess, tear stained cheeks, red puffy eyes, visibly shaking, and stuttering. It wasn't until later when I got him calmed down that he told me about hi boyfriend and how his dad came to his college for Christmas and then beat him and his boyfriend up. Then he told me about how they had a great Christmas with his boyfriend and his foster family and about his turtle. Yes, I knew he was stalling to tell me why he was actually here but I let him. After about twenty minutes he tells me about how he was relapsing into his depression again, how he had started cutting again, how his boyfriend walked in and saw, and then how he ran and ended up here.

He had started crying again and I held him and calmed him down like I had back at the boarding school. John was like my little brother, I had helped him before and I would do it again.

It's now been about three months and I had John set up with a friend and therapist in New York and he promised he would get to him when he goes back to New York whenever that is. He says he misses his boyfriend, Alex, well he doesn't think they will still be together when they go back, which is why I think he hasn't gone back yet. I told him to talk to him and explain as best as he could and go from there. I can tell from the emails that John has shared with Alex's foster father that no one is really mad more just scared and worried.

I hope you John soon realize that you deserve the love they give you and that you find the courage to go back home with your boyfriend and friends.

(John's POV)  
I miss Alex, I really do, but I don't want to go back just for him to tell me what I already knows he's going to. I don't want to hear the words 'I don't love you anymore.' or 'I can't be with you anymore.' come out of his mouth. I'm better and still getting better, but hearing that would just wreck all the work I've done to get to the point I'm at.

I promised Ben I'd go to the therapist back in New York when I go back, if I go back. I've stayed in touch with Mr. Washington and he promises no one is mad, just sad and worried. Every time I imagine going back all I can see is Alex's face when he came into my room. He looked so scared and sad, and in all his texts and voicemails he says he feels like it's his fault and that he could've helped more. I know Laf won't say it, but I know he feels the same as Alex, he always did back in high school even though none of it was ever his fault just like now.

I'm coming home guys, I promise. I don't know when but I know I'll be home before the month is over.

(Third Person POV)  
With that last thought John went to the computer and sent Washington one last email before he returned to New York, but more importantly, he returned to his family.

Happy New Year everyone! I've had this done since before Christmas but I was super busy and didn't get it published till now. I hope everyone had a good holiday season. See you all in the new year.


	12. Update

Hi everyone! I know it's been over a year... I'm really sorry. A lot has happened in the past year. My sister was born. Probably the happiest thing to happen. Um but sad note I will not be able to use the nickname "Lexi" for Alex anymore. *trigger warning* this is really hard for me to write but a friend of mine who went by that same nickname made unwanted advances on me and refused to stop when I told them to and also when I tried to physically remove them from me when we were trying to sleep one night when I was staying over. * The name brings back unwanted memories so if anyone has any ideas for what John could call Alex that'd be great. I've been trying really hard to get better and writing helps so I'm hoping to start writing again. I also have a Wattpad that I share with a friend. We have a story published that we write together and honestly it's shitty it's just something we mess around with and write it at like 3am. I also have one that I am writing on there too and it's definitely different and darker than the other(you can tell by the cover photos and descriptions which is which). I'll put the username in my profile here if anyone cares and wants to check out those stories. That is if anyone is even here reading this anymore or cares at all.


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